Societal Regression & the Child-Focused Society

Societal Regression & the Child-Focused Society

What Happens When Helicopter Parents
Are Hit by Boomerang Children?

“If you keep doin’ what you’ve been doin’,
you’ll keep gettin’ what you’ve been gettin’.”

Societies vary in functional levels of differentiation and amount of chronic anxiety in a manner similar to families and individuals. Emotionally reactive behaviors in a societal context follow the same attack – defend, pursue – withdraw interactions as do familial relationships. Coalitions and group conflict are analogous to fusion and cut-off.

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What It Is, Is What It Is

What It Is, Is What It Is

Omelet and Soufflé, Same or Different? A man is but the product of his thoughts – what he thinks, he becomes. ― Mahatma Gandhi Most dichotomies are false ones; the mind/body and nature/nurture ones coming most readily to mind. A discussion in the LinkedIn Counselling & Psychotherapy Group concerning the…

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A Bowen Theory Lexicon

A Bowen Theory Lexicon

How Even the Great Ones Get Confused ‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’ ’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’ ’The…

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On Triangles with Dead People

On Triangles with Dead People

“Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship,
which struggles on in the survivor’s mind
toward some resolution which it may never find.”
― Robert Anderson

In a previous blog, The Structure, Function and Emotional Process of Triangles, I wrote “De-triangling occurs when strategically someone comes into a polarized situation and makes an effort to not take sides, and to relate well to each person.” A highly regarded, well respected colleague who has, with great equanimity, integrity and compassion, withstood all of Hal’s attempts to befuddle and confuse, wondered, “What if they’re Dead?”, most specifically in regards to the primary parental triangle we all struggle to resolve.

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The Practice Is the Performance

The Practice Is the Performance

Walking the Talk

“This work is a truly personal one;
we only know the whole truth of ourselves.”
— Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein

Murray Bowen began his essay, Theory in the Practice of Psychotherapy, with ”there are striking discrepancies between theory and practice in psychotherapy,” which begs the question, what exactly is the practice of Bowen Family Systems Theory “Coaching”?

If we define “practice” in the sense of doing something regularly and consistently, as action rather than thought or ideas; not as a rehearsal, not as a means of perfecting and getting somewhere, but as a commitment to a new way of being with others, then how do we best develop a practice based on Bowen’s theory?

Sometimes I think about the analogy between basic/pure science/mathematics and applied science/applied mathematics/engineering. Other times I think that the operationalization of theory in clinical practice is just that.

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The Structure, Function and Emotional Process of Triangles

The Structure, Function and Emotional Process of Triangles

What Kind of Company Always Creates a Crowd?

“one’s company,
two’s a crowd,
and three’s a party.”
— Andy Warhol

Life rarely happens in ones or twos, but almost always in threes or more; and more specifically and theoretically exactingly, in groups of interlocking threes. From the Bowen Center Web site:

“It [a triangle] is considered the building block or “molecule” of larger emotional systems because a triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A two-person system is unstable because it tolerates little tension before involving a third person. A triangle can contain much more tension without involving another person because the tension can shift around three relationships. If the tension is too high for one triangle to contain, it spreads to a series of “interlocking” triangles.”

Spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved.

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Rituals Through Time and Space

Rituals Through Time and Space

Why Go Directly to Cinco, Start With Dos

“Rituals have the power to mark
or to move us
through transitions.”
— Rabbi Roni Handler
Prayers from the Heart

Evan Imber-Black has written the following “working definition of ritual”:

Rituals are coevolved symbolic acts that include not only the ceremonial aspects of the actual presentation of the ritual, but the process of preparing for it as well.

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The Last Quarter: Part II – The Solution

The Last Quarter: Part II – The Solution

Meaning Making and Reinvestment

‘And life is a journey:
From childhood to maturity
And youth to age;’
— Rabbi Alvin I. Fine

Previously on the FamilyFocusedSolutions.com blog, we were exploring a colleague’s struggle to ”do this work [of self-differentiation] in the last quarter [of one’s life].” How to make meaning from the multiple losses of people, resources, function and sense of purpose? How to respond when in the face of illness, death, disability and “cut offs,” “one’s world gets relationally more narrow”?

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The Last Quarter: Part I – The Predicament

The Last Quarter: Part I – The Predicament

Reflection and Acceptance

“Do not be afraid.
Do not lose resolve.”
— Deuteronomy (1:21)   דברים

A friend and colleague who has chosen to remain nameless wondered how does one do the “work” of self-differentiation or “growing oneself up” in the “last quarter” of life? Given ever-increasing longevity, health related quality of life (HRQoL), and the widening circle of multigenerational caretaking, we might wonder what exactly constitutes the last quarter? Does it start with the 6th, 7th, 8th or 9th decade of our lives? Regardless, by the time we have reached this stage, and certainly before we are done passing through it, we will have encountered most (if not damn near all) of the normative life-cycle transitions and many unexpected, unplanned for crises.

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Bowen Family Systems Coaching


Bowen Family Systems Coaching with Ronald B Cohen, MD is the treatment of choice for complicated relationship problems and intergenerational conflicts. Include the whole family in resolving and improving what is going on right NOW! When the entire family works to make the difficult journey together, the results are almost magical.
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Why Ronald B Cohen, MD?


If you are experiencing family relationship problems and distress, don’t treat all therapists alike. Look for a Family Therapist who has had specific training, is comfortable with emotional intensity and will offer clear direction to help resolve identified problems. Ronald B. Cohen, MD works with the whole family in a manner that can save you time and be more cost effective than equal doses of individual therapy.
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For Mental Health Professionals


I offer both individual coaching and a consultation group to help facilitate the acquisition and further development of knowledge and expertise in Bowen Family Systems Theory and Coaching for the enhancement of clinical efficacy, productivity and satisfaction. If this is something you want to do professionally, and especially if you have not had significant training and experience in working with family dynamics and relationships, then experiential learning by doing is the best way to go.
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