The Emotional Roller Coaster of Divorce

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Divorce

Like most of life, divorce is a process and not an event, a journey and not a destination, a normative road taken by approximately half of all first married couples (though not taken by the other half), and also taken by a somewhat higher percentage of subsequently married couples. A road no less travelled by, a road filled with speed bumps and potholes, hair pin turns and flat out straight aways, with all the back seat drivers yelling “are we there yet” even though none of them know where they are going and fewer know where they’ve been. Some might even call it a road to nowhere, or as Yogi said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it!”

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Divorce and the Family Relationship Process

Divorce and the Family Relationship Process

Bridging Emotional Cutoff from a Former Spouse “And you may ask yourself -Well…How did I get here? And you may ask yourself How do I work this?” — Talking Heads — Once In A Lifetime I can sense the exasperated sighs, see the rolled eyes, ears, nose and mouth, and…

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An Adult’s Guide to Dating the Second Time Around

An Adult’s Guide to Dating the Second Time Around

The Post Conscious Uncoupling Conscious Re-coupling Transition

“…. but I was so much older then.
I’m younger than that, now.”
— Bob Dylan
— My Back Pages

OK now. You’ve uncoupled, consciously or not, paid your attorneys, filed your papers, re-mortgaged your house, complained to all your friends, had the necessary pity party, gone on your Club Med vacation to recharge your battery, made a complete fool of yourself before your children and work colleagues, sworn off ever getting married again, and watched more reruns of House than any one individual should be subjected to in multiple lifetimes. What else might you do on Saturday nights for the rest of your life? Maybe, go on a date?

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Rethinking the Post-Divorce Family

Rethinking the Post-Divorce Family

“The child’s behavior,
is the ‘tell’ of parental anxiety”
— Marc Baisden, MA, LMHC, Ph.D.-C
— In Mindfulness and Psychotherapy discussion group

When we think about counseling the post-divorce family, we almost universally hone in on issues of co-parenting. Yet as Lorna Hecht-Zablow commented in the LinkedIn Bowen Theory discussion group, in response to my blog “Conscious Uncoupling”:

“If the primary motivation for dealing with one’s ex is to facilitate the welfare of the child(ren) that will probably result in a recapitulation of a child focus that likely contributed to the demise of the marriage in the first place.

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Conscious Uncoupling

Conscious Uncoupling

It’s Not About Gwyneth Paltrow
(It’s Not Even About Katherine Woodward Thomas)

—- and there is nothing new under the sun
— Kohelet 1:9

‘Conscious Uncoupling’ is not a new concept one. Twenty years ago Constance Ahrons, in her book The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart told the following anecdote:

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Whose Divorce is it Anyway?

Whose Divorce is it Anyway?

If we have her marriage and his marriage, or her marriage and her marriage, or his marriage and his marriage, then surely we must have some combination of his divorce and her divorce. No-fault divorce laws notwithstanding, if the partners were effectively unequal before and during the marriage, it would be folly to expect them to be equal at the time of and subsequent to the end of the marriage. If every marriage is two marriages, then every divorce process has multiple components, ‘hers’, ‘his’, ‘theirs’ and everybody else’s.

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell – The Hidden Life of Family Secrets

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell – The Hidden Life of Family Secrets

What is life like growing up in a family where one of the most firmly adhered to rules is “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”? What do you do with significant information when you are inhibited from sharing it, the road block being either in yourself, in your family relationships, or in larger societal constraints? How is a secret different from healthy privacy, a safe and secure “Room of One’s Own”? When is a secret not a secret?

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Honoring the Remarried Family

Honoring the Remarried Family

There is a distinct lack of adequate language to describe the new relationships that arise in a “remarried” family. The complexities of relationships in remarried binuclear post-divorce families defy simple charting or characterization. The need to develop both more open and more clearly defined relationship boundaries in the expanded family…

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Bowen Family Systems Coaching for the Post-Divorce Couple

Bowen Family Systems Coaching for the Post-Divorce Couple

At some point, for a significant minority of couples, one or both partners conclude that the strategies of acceptance and change no longer work. At that juncture, the goal of living a healthier, happier, more productive life shifts from working to resolve marital difficulties to focusing on a “Good Divorce”….

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Fathers in Post-Divorce Families

Fathers in Post-Divorce Families

Fathers often have a difficult time figuring out how to have a meaningful relationship with their children. As former spouses, each parent must simultaneously develop new rules and behaviors with each other while they find new ways of relating independently with their children

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Bowen Family Systems Coaching


Bowen Family Systems Coaching with Ronald B Cohen, MD is the treatment of choice for complicated relationship problems and intergenerational conflicts. Include the whole family in resolving and improving what is going on right NOW! When the entire family works to make the difficult journey together, the results are almost magical.
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Why Ronald B Cohen, MD?


If you are experiencing family relationship problems and distress, don’t treat all therapists alike. Look for a Family Therapist who has had specific training, is comfortable with emotional intensity and will offer clear direction to help resolve identified problems. Ronald B. Cohen, MD works with the whole family in a manner that can save you time and be more cost effective than equal doses of individual therapy.
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For Mental Health Professionals


I offer both individual coaching and a consultation group to help facilitate the acquisition and further development of knowledge and expertise in Bowen Family Systems Theory and Coaching for the enhancement of clinical efficacy, productivity and satisfaction. If this is something you want to do professionally, and especially if you have not had significant training and experience in working with family dynamics and relationships, then experiential learning by doing is the best way to go.
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